Charis...what does GRACE really mean?

If you are wondering how to say the word Charis-it is pronounced "Care+is".


I have heard this as a name once or twice before but had seen it spelled Karis. This word came to mind this evening while I was working at the hospital and reflecting back on the sermon from church this morning. The sermon was on remembrance, as it is memorial day weekend, but the main theme that ran throughout it was about GRACE.


The word Charis, according to Thayer's and Smith's Bible Dictionary plus others; this is keyed to the large Kittel and the "Theological Dictionary of the New Testament", is defined as follows:


1. grace 
   a. that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, loveliness: grace of speech


2. good will, loving-kindness, favour
    a. of the merciful kindness by which God, exerting his holy influence upon souls, turns them to Christ, keeps, 
    strengthens, increases them in Christian faith, knowledge, affection, and kindles them to the exercise of the
   Christian virtues


3. what is due to grace
    a. the spiritual condition of one governed by the power of divine grace


    b. the token or proof of grace, benefit
        1. a gift of grace
        2. benefit, bounty


4. thanks, (for benefits, services, favours), recompense, reward

With that being said, it is save to say that the word Charis can be define as GRACE in the Greek language. What is also very intriguing to me is that I have often heard the word Charity to be substituted for the word Love, mostly in King James translations of the Bible. I will come back to that in a minute though.


GRACE. Do you really know what this word means? Does it mean just being kind towards others? Does it mean moving in a way that appears as if you are gliding on water? What does the word GRACE really mean? Well I think I could probably write a novel or two or three about the meaning of GRACE, but God has really REALLY Really been teaching me lately what GRACE really means.


While I believe it is impossible for us as humans to ever really grasp how much GRACE God exhibits towards us, I do believe that as we age, if we are growing in our walks, he will teach us more about what it means to show that same kind of GRACE towards others. As you may have read in some of my previous posts, I am in what could be described as a difficult/testing period of my life right now. My parents are going through a divorce and am now estranged from my father and also the guy I was dating prior to the divorce. I also most recently had begun dating again and thought it was going very well, but I had been praying for direction in this new relationship and God answered straight and clear: Not right now. So needless to say, I have had a vast amount of experiences over the past 6 or 7 months that have been filled with hurt, anger, disappointment, and sadness.


I must confess, there has been a huge fortress around my heart that has been virtually impenetrable. As I have prayed for healing, God has slowly begun to break the hardness but it is still a healing process I am currently experiencing (thus this blog), however, the sermon at church today was like one of those bundles of dynamite that the coyote used to try and catch roadrunner. Something about the sermon sank deep into my heart, into a soft place that had not been stirred in a such a long time, as there were layers upon layers of anger, bitterness, and resentment built outside of it. I once was such a joyful person, there was virtually nothing you could do to bring me down and for the past few years, it has been nothing but the opposite: There was/is hardly anything that could bring my up.


You see, I think inside of my dark shell of anger, bitterness, and resentment, I found a place of security. I know it sounds totally crazy but if I hid inside under the hardness, no one could get inside and I could essentially "protect" the little bit of my heart I felt like I had left. About the only thing I could love was my sweet puppies, Savannah and Georgia, to which I am so thankful now that I do have. There is a quote by C.S. Lewis that pretty much sums it all up, I think I even had this as my facebook status sometime in the past few months:

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Now you may be wondering, what in the world could have been said in a sermon that changed my perspective so radically? Well in this healing process, I have come a long way. I have been fervently praying that God would allow my heart to beat for Christ and that I would be serving him and the greater purpose in all that I do, so I had begun to feel that I could let go of some of these negative feelings I had pent up for such a long time. Today in the sermon, our pastor said something along the lines of  "If you have anger, bitterness, and resentment that afflicts you, GRACE is not steering your ship and Christ is not the master over you". Now, that is a rough paraphrase, I am going to try and get the actual phrase from him, but you get the point. This was just like a bucket of cold water poured on my head. Here I am praying and praying that I would be a servant of Christ but I DAILY let all of those horrible things control me and here's the bad part... I THINK I LIKED IT! I felt this sense of "entitlement" per say, in that I have had all these "wrongs" committed against me. Yeah I have, but if we are called to live as an Example of Christ, CLEARLY I needed a reality check.

It just all hit me when he said that Christ was not ruling my life if I was holding these things in and not surrendering them; they were ruling me. This was the total antithesis of what I had been asking God to do in my life. It was by far one of those few moments I have had in my life I felt like the Lord was speaking through another person and straight to me. During the offering, there was a bagpipe player who played "Amazing Grace" and I closed my eyes and prayed that God would totally break the stone around my heart and that I would exhibit true authentic grace to the people in my life that to be perfectly honest, my flesh would rather spit in their faces. I feel as if a weight has been lifted from me. The word grace and Charis now have a totally new meaning in my life. 

 What is interesting about the word Charis is that it is similar to the word Charity, which I mentioned has been used as a synonym for Love . It seems to me that Love and Grace  are interdependent on one another. You cannot have one without the other, just as the ever well known John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave he only son, so the whoever believes in him will not perish, but have eternal life."  If we truly strive to be the hands and feet of Jesus, we have to exhibit love, that's the easy part. Sometimes loving isn't necessarily always easy, especially when we have been hurt or disappointed, but loving someone in spite of those wrong doings is called

                                              GRACE

Our lives are like a painting

Wow, I can not believe it has been almost two months since I have updated! Lots of things have happened since I last updated, good and bad.

Let's see here where to begin. Well I am still working both of my jobs and it looks like I will be at my MTSU job a little bit longer than expected. The new person will not be beginning until June 13th and I will have to do some transitioning with him so I will probably be there at least another month. I have almost hit my 90 days at the hospital which is so hard to believe. Time has just absolutely flown by! Both jobs are going well, however, it has really made me realize how badly I still want to pursue a Master's degree to go into the counseling field. I have begun my research and my goal is to apply and go (wherever that may be) in Fall of 2012. I love Murfreesboro so much but I think it may be time to leave for a while. I heard someone say recently "Middle Tennesseans may leave, but they ALWAYS come back". I absolutely would not mind coming back to Middle Tennessee but for now I think it may be time for a new journey. All I know is that I want to go somewhere within approximately 8 hours of driving distance that is in the south where I can obtain a Masters Degree in Counseling, Marriage and Family Therapy, or Social Work (Still not 100% sure on which one yet either). Stay tuned for more information as I continue the grad school hunt!

Things with my family have unfortunately gone from bad to worse. My father and I had a terrible disagreement/misunderstanding this past Friday and are no longer on speaking terms. My heart was destroyed. No daughter ever wants to be told to stay out of her father's life. I do not care how old you are, every woman desires the protection and affirmation of a father. I am praying harder than ever that God would place people in his life and do an incredible work in his heart. I am still struggling with knowing my place in the whole situation and will be so glad when it is all over. I know God is teaching me more than I would ever have imagined but let me just tell you, it is a daily battle that I have to set out to conquer every single day. I am praying, praying, praying.

On a more positive note, I have been dating someone for about a month now. I somewhat laughed to myself when I read my last post that said I wasn't ready to start dating again ha ha! I guess God had a different idea for me in mind. I was certainly not looking to date but the opportunity came about to go to dinner with this fine gentleman and I would have been crazy to say no. We went on our first date April 16th and are still seeing each other. We haven't committed to a relationship, but we are taking it very slow. It has been so mind-boggling to me because he is so different from any one I have ever dated before. I still get scared and try to tell myself it isn't worth putting myself out there again, however, I am fervently praying and letting go. It is not in my hands. I will say though, I get butterflies every time he calls me and each time I see him :)

I have a lot of time to think and reflect while I am my hospital job, especially in the evenings when it slows down. There are a lot of beautiful paintings in the hospital and it reminded me of a metaphor about our walks with Christ. I was fortunate enough to visit an exhibit at the Frist Center in Nashville back in December that displayed famous art pieces by Monet and Manet to name a few. Many of the other patrons I noticed would look at a piece very close up and then back up to observe it or vice versa. These artists dedicated their lives to their works of art and yet no single painting is ever the same. While two paintings may be of the same image, the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that went in to each one were potentially vastly different. Additionally, A painting is something that takes hours, days, and even years to complete. This is like our relationship with Christ. We are the canvas. When we are born we are blank, however, God has an immaculate idea and plan for what he wishes to put on the painting. Every single thing that happens in our life is like a brush stroke on the canvas. When viewed up close, all you can see is the brush stroke on the canvas, but when you step back it is a breathtaking work of art. There is more to the picture than the image that is portrayed. It is a story.

My struggle right now is that I am only seeing the brush strokes. I think that I am an impressionistic painting. You really can't tell what my image is or is supposed to be until layers and layers and layers of paint have been applied and dried. My painting I also know is far from over. I barely have a quarter of it completed! I know though that I am a one-of-a-kind piece though; my prayer is that I can learn to be content with each brush stroke and that my finished image would be one that exudes the love of Christ. This is my heart's deepest desire. God is so faithful, I know he will complete my painting and it would sell for 3460830458 millon, bajillion, cazillion dollars at a Christy's Auction House Sale!

Lord I pray that can be content as you paint my painting I will joyful through every single brush stroke and have patience for the final outcome. You are so loving Lord and give me more grace than I every deserve. I pray that as I write these words and continue my healing, you would touch someone and teach them something about Christ. Thank you Jesus. Thank you.