Wow, I can not believe it has been almost two months since I have updated! Lots of things have happened since I last updated, good and bad.
Let's see here where to begin. Well I am still working both of my jobs and it looks like I will be at my MTSU job a little bit longer than expected. The new person will not be beginning until June 13th and I will have to do some transitioning with him so I will probably be there at least another month. I have almost hit my 90 days at the hospital which is so hard to believe. Time has just absolutely flown by! Both jobs are going well, however, it has really made me realize how badly I still want to pursue a Master's degree to go into the counseling field. I have begun my research and my goal is to apply and go (wherever that may be) in Fall of 2012. I love Murfreesboro so much but I think it may be time to leave for a while. I heard someone say recently "Middle Tennesseans may leave, but they ALWAYS come back". I absolutely would not mind coming back to Middle Tennessee but for now I think it may be time for a new journey. All I know is that I want to go somewhere within approximately 8 hours of driving distance that is in the south where I can obtain a Masters Degree in Counseling, Marriage and Family Therapy, or Social Work (Still not 100% sure on which one yet either). Stay tuned for more information as I continue the grad school hunt!
Things with my family have unfortunately gone from bad to worse. My father and I had a terrible disagreement/misunderstanding this past Friday and are no longer on speaking terms. My heart was destroyed. No daughter ever wants to be told to stay out of her father's life. I do not care how old you are, every woman desires the protection and affirmation of a father. I am praying harder than ever that God would place people in his life and do an incredible work in his heart. I am still struggling with knowing my place in the whole situation and will be so glad when it is all over. I know God is teaching me more than I would ever have imagined but let me just tell you, it is a daily battle that I have to set out to conquer every single day. I am praying, praying, praying.
On a more positive note, I have been dating someone for about a month now. I somewhat laughed to myself when I read my last post that said I wasn't ready to start dating again ha ha! I guess God had a different idea for me in mind. I was certainly not looking to date but the opportunity came about to go to dinner with this fine gentleman and I would have been crazy to say no. We went on our first date April 16th and are still seeing each other. We haven't committed to a relationship, but we are taking it very slow. It has been so mind-boggling to me because he is so different from any one I have ever dated before. I still get scared and try to tell myself it isn't worth putting myself out there again, however, I am fervently praying and letting go. It is not in my hands. I will say though, I get butterflies every time he calls me and each time I see him :)
I have a lot of time to think and reflect while I am my hospital job, especially in the evenings when it slows down. There are a lot of beautiful paintings in the hospital and it reminded me of a metaphor about our walks with Christ. I was fortunate enough to visit an exhibit at the Frist Center in Nashville back in December that displayed famous art pieces by Monet and Manet to name a few. Many of the other patrons I noticed would look at a piece very close up and then back up to observe it or vice versa. These artists dedicated their lives to their works of art and yet no single painting is ever the same. While two paintings may be of the same image, the thoughts, feelings, and emotions that went in to each one were potentially vastly different. Additionally, A painting is something that takes hours, days, and even years to complete. This is like our relationship with Christ. We are the canvas. When we are born we are blank, however, God has an immaculate idea and plan for what he wishes to put on the painting. Every single thing that happens in our life is like a brush stroke on the canvas. When viewed up close, all you can see is the brush stroke on the canvas, but when you step back it is a breathtaking work of art. There is more to the picture than the image that is portrayed. It is a story.
My struggle right now is that I am only seeing the brush strokes. I think that I am an impressionistic painting. You really can't tell what my image is or is supposed to be until layers and layers and layers of paint have been applied and dried. My painting I also know is far from over. I barely have a quarter of it completed! I know though that I am a one-of-a-kind piece though; my prayer is that I can learn to be content with each brush stroke and that my finished image would be one that exudes the love of Christ. This is my heart's deepest desire. God is so faithful, I know he will complete my painting and it would sell for 3460830458 millon, bajillion, cazillion dollars at a Christy's Auction House Sale!
Lord I pray that can be content as you paint my painting I will joyful through every single brush stroke and have patience for the final outcome. You are so loving Lord and give me more grace than I every deserve. I pray that as I write these words and continue my healing, you would touch someone and teach them something about Christ. Thank you Jesus. Thank you.
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