Wow where to even begin this post escapes me! Since I have last posted there are a lot of things that have happened. I will do my best to capture it all.
I just spent the weekend with about 130 7th-12th graders at an event called "Disciple Now". This is a long standing tradition in our youth group. It is a weekend devoted to learning what it means to become a true follower of Christ. I can remember going to my very first disciple now as a 7th grader 11 years ago. It feels like it was just yesterday! I served as a counselor and got to work with a group of 8th graders. I feel like I took as much from the weekend as the youth did. I was excited about going to this event, because as noted in my last post, I was feeling empty and weathered. I was immensely looking forward to being able to be around the body of Christ for an entire weekend. I was also very blessed to be in a host home with a wonderful couple from my church who I believe have a very Godly marriage and are wonderful leaders in the youth group. The theme verse for this weekend was Romans 12:2 "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will."
On Friday night the title of the message was "Do Not Conform". If you looked at my life from the outside you would think I was a "Good Girl". Yes I have made my mistakes and sinned in ways that I am very ashamed of, but I have asked for forgiveness and no longer live in those patterns of sin. I have always been the "Good Girl", so I conforming to the patterns of this world didn't seem like it was that big of an issue for me. Ha, boy was I wrong. I mentioned in one of my previous posts that I felt like I was missing something about this whole season of my life that I am in. I know that God is trying to teach me something but I wasn't exactly sure what that is. Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I now believe I have my answer.
A dear Christian mentor of mine and former high school Sunday school teacher of mine was delivering this message on Friday night. He mentioned right in the beginning that there are three things that the Enemy (Satan) will use to get you: Passions, Possessions, and Positions. BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks and so many light bulbs went off in my head that it would have looked like Times Square. That was my missing piece. He went on to say that 1 Peter 5:8 says that "Satan is prowling like a lion".
Somewhere in my life within the past 2-3 years my walk with Christ began to wind down a crooked path. A path where my house, my clothes, my accolades, my school work, dating, the burdens of family problems, work, and everything in between became my God. My passions, possessions, and positions had overtaken my heart. Satan had been prowling around me like the lion, only he didn't devour me all at once but a little bit at a time. You see, I poured my heart and soul into everything except my relationship with Christ. Yes I was still a Christian and went to church and tried to live my life as a Christian should, but I only truly fit God in where is was convenient. I had distorted what the sermon the next evening would focus on, which was God's truth. I had made my own truth and made it to fit my plans and what I thought was good and right for me.
It all makes sense now. I believe that this season in my life is to break me from this life I have been living. You see, I have been living in a life of sin and didn't even realize it. My whole heart was not surrendered to God but to all of these other things and now that they have been all taken from me, I was left feeling empty because I had poured my whole heart into all these other things instead of my relationship with Christ. I know, deep right?
I am still sorting out some of this and making sense of what it all means and what's next. I know that I absolutely have to change my lifestyle and my walk.
To be continued...
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