Good evening readers...That is if there is anyone out there reading this...Tee-hee :) Even if no one is, that's ok, because I enjoy writing here and one day it will be something I will have bound into a book for my family. I hope this post find you healthy, happy, and blessed!
I must admit, I have really been struggling over the past few weeks. I know I haven't posted much, but things feel like they have gone from bad to worse. I saw my psychiatrist on Friday and originally he had wanted to start stair stepping me off of my anti-depressant and I was soooo stoked; well by the time the appointment rolled around, I felt just as bad as I had when I first started treatment last July. So much for starting to cut back on my medication, instead I had another one added to what I am already taking. I really hope this is the tiny little tweak I need, and I will now be seeing my therapist every week instead of every other week. I am bound and determined to come out of all this on top and NOT let it defeat me. Thankfully, the past few days have been pretty good so I am trying very hard to stay positive and truly surrender to God.
Speaking of surrendering to God, I believe I am being called to totally surrender a part of my life. God had been laying this on my heart recently, but he truly spoke to me this morning while I was getting ready (this seems to be his favorite time to speak truth into my heart, I love it!). I believe God is calling me to completely surrender dating for the rest of 2011. I believe that he and I still have a very intimate journey to travel together and that dating right now would become a distraction to what God is wanting to teach me. Now I am not saying this is what is right for everyone, please do not think that; this is what I believe I am supposed to do for this season in my life.
I have been thinking all day today about what I wanted to refer to this new journey as. I googled and contemplated and contemplated. For some reason, Paul's journey on the road to Damascus kept coming to my mind. I knew a little bit about this story but not too much. The more I research I did though, the more I knew that my journey was going to very similar to Paul's journey. If you are not familiar with this story, click here for a brief summary and the story is also told in Acts Chapter 9. Now Paul (formerly known as Saul) had set out to persecute Christians...that is not at ALL what I have set out to do; my journey is similar to Paul's because during his journey he experienced a transformation that would change his life forever. I believe that in the next 6 months, God is going to do an incredible work in my life. See I have been in this sorta "quarter life crisis" since I graduated because I am not holding down a full time job, not married, not in grad school, not engaged etc. I have not a clue as to what I am supposed to do next or where to go next. I believe that he is not going to reveal his will about some of the questions I have been asking him about my future until I learn to give myself to him and truly truly truly learn to trust his scriptures and promises.
I know that Jesus and I have a long long long walk together during the next six months; some of it will be like walking on the beach at sunset, peaceful, easy and beautiful. I know that other parts of it are going to be like walking up a mountain barefoot on thorns and rocks in the snow. I know that in some of this time Jesus will have to carry me because I will not be able to walk on my own; I know though that in other parts of this journey though Christ and I will be running and laughing together. I have deep sense of contentment about this and know that it is what I am supposed to do. I am so excited to see what he will be teaching me and to see where my life goes afterward.
The passage of scripture that comes to mind for this journey is Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
The other passage that comes to mind for this journey is the one that I have decided is my theme verse for this year, 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18:
"Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is Christ's will for you in Christ Jesus".
Lord Jesus, thank you for who you are and for you unconditional love. Thank you for calling me for this period of celibacy so that I may keep my eyes focused solely on you. I pray that nothing will shake me and you will be my steady rock. Thank you Jesus for the blessings I know you will be giving me. I love you so much!
Amen
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