Thirsting for the Word

Hello Friends!
I know I am a little behind! The past two days have consisted of a lot of sleeping, running erands, working on things around the house and Doctor's appointments. As mentioned previously, I am having a hard time with sleep right now because I do not feel like I am getting restful sleep due to vivid dreams. I woke up this morning after almost 8 hours of sleep and had to go back to sleep because I felt like I had not slept in days! I am just grateful that I have this time off to try and adjust to my medication and do have the time to get the rest I need.

I feel like I have this continual thought process going on in my head of what I want to write on there but then when I sit down to write I can not think of any of it, ha! I guess that is what we call writer's block. I am just going to go with what is on my mind at the moment and maybe it will all come back to me!

I have started reading the book called The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. It was extremely popular when it first came out about nine years ago. I borrowed it from Caitlin a couple of years ago and am just now getting a chance to read it. It is not a book you read chapters at a time though, it is a 40 day journey so you only read a few pages each day. I really believe God works in the most mysterious ways. This book has been sitting on my night stand for literally over a year and the other day I decided it would be a good time to start reading it since I have the time to commit to it right now. I don't know much about Rick Warren but after only reading for three days, all I can say is WOAH. I truly believe these words came straight from God through Rick's fingers. I would like to share a poem with you from Day 2 that really touched me as is seem to spell out everything I have been going through during this journey of mine.

You are who you are for a reason.

You are part of an intense plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special woman or man.

You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what He wanted to make.
The parents you have are the ones He chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's Plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.

No, the trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into His likeness you'd grow.

You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God.
Written by Russel Kelfer

I just felt like this came straight out of my heart and was able to say some things I have not been able to say and that there was someone else who might trip up on this blog and need that poem.

The title of this post is "Thirsting for the Word". I have been extremely convicted since 2011 began to really dig deep into the Word of God. It is not that I do not like reading it, quite the contrary, but as I have shared, I have not devoted my time and heart like I should have been to reading the scriptures. One of my daily prayers has been that God would give me an unquenchable thirst for the Word. Well again, when you ask in accordance with God's desires, he gives! I have been reading things I have read over and over before and seeing things through completely different eyes. I recently had a conversation with my Grandma, who is by far one of the people I respect and admire most, and she commented that one of the great things about the Bible is that we can read it over and over and each time learn something different from it. Also one thing I believe is that God will point you to a specific scripture for a reason. For instance the other day I wanted to start a new book in the Bible so I came upon 1 Corinthians and felt God say, "Alrighty Chloe, read/study this book right now". So I was like Ok! Also if you didn't know, my name is in 1 Corinthians 1:11 :) .

I have shared some of the things that have touched me so far but one today came a me literally like a cast iron frying pan. I literally think my heart stopped for about 2.5 seconds and I backed up and reread the passage. It was from 1 Corinthians Chapter 7. Here in this chapter Paul is writing about marriage. He talks about how it is better to not be married but if you can not control your desires it is better to marry than to burn with those desires. That was nothing new to me, again I had read this, heard sermons on it etc. However, one particular verse really stood out to me. It was verses 32-35 and 35 is what really struck me. Here is is:

³² I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. ³³ But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— ³⁴ and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. ³⁵ I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

As noted, I am coming out of a break-up and still healing from that and while I have come a long way, it is still hard at times, especially with the upcoming Holiday, to not feel the loneliness of being single. I am also in a stage of my life where many of peers are getting engaged and married. I even at one point decided I was never going to get married because I was so tired of getting hurt that it was easier to lock up my heart and protect it than share and also if I set my expectations of a man so high it would be easier to continually say there is no one out there for me. Well this verse totally rocked my world and perception of all that. This told me "Chloe, it is ok to get married, and you will one day but do not be concerned about that right now. Right now God is doing a work in you that he can not do if you are married or in a dating relationship." Even at this moment as I write this, I feel the presence of the Holy Spirit upon me affirming this in my heart. It is truly one of the most comforting things and thoughts and conversations with God I have had in a long time. Oh and get this, my itunes is on shuffle right now and the song "Walk By Faith" by Jeremy Camp just came on...God has a history with me of always playing this song when I really need to hear from him. As my dear friend/Second Mom Mrs. Jeanie says "There is no such thing as irony in the kingdom of heaven". I don't have much else to say except if you are struggling, keep holding on, God is right there with you.

To God be the Glory Forever and Ever!
Blessing to you loved ones!