When you truly ask, God truly gives!

Wow, all I can say about the past two days is WOAH....As I mentioned in my last post, I did not get the job that I was really hoping/counting on getting. Yesterday (Tuesday) it really hit me that I was back to square 1 and had to start all over again. I just felt so low yesterday and could barely muster up the strength to even get cleaned up for the day, it probably didn't help that is was super rainy and nasty outside as well.


Brittany and I went to her boyfriend's family's hardware store to get the remaining concrete blocks I needed for my backyard. He was so sweet and put them straight in my car for me! When we got back, I got cleaned up and then went to fill out an application for substitute teaching. After I got back home, I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open. Side note to interject here as well, I am on a medication that one of the side effects is vivid dreams so I do not always feel rested even if I have had 8+ hours of sleep. I ended up sleeping for over 2.5 hours. When I finally woke up, I still just felt so down about the job that I just stayed in bed for the rest of the evening induced into a TV coma. Around 10:15 I did venture out of my house to Sonic, because nothing helps a down trodden spirit like a Sonic drink! Well in the middle of my Sonic trip, all that pent up emotion from the day came pouring out during a phone conversation with my mom. I don't want to get into the nitty gritty of it all but I know the car hop must have thought I was crazy, sitting in my car at Sonic at 10:30 crying...I pulled myself together enough to drive home and sneak in without my roommates noticing that I had been crying/was upset and once again barricaded myself in my bedroom and "wallowed in my sorrows" (I will be using this phrase quite often : P ). I had my pity party and then ended up talking for several hours with my former boyfriend. I will keep the details of this conversation private out of respect for him, but I will say that it was a much needed conversation. I appreciate him staying up until the most ridiculous hours of the morning talking with me as I continue on this journey of mine.

Now you may be wondering what the title of this particular post means. Today (Wednesday) I have somewhat had my head screwed back on straight and was able to get my focus back on God and out of that nasty pit I was in Tuesday. I have been praying very fervently that God would turn my life into something that glorified the name of Jesus in all that I do and that he would put me where he wants me. I believe that not getting that job I really wanted was a way of him saying to me "Ok Chloe, How much faith do you really have in me? How fully do you trust me?" . I will be honest, it is not easy. I told my dear friend Brittany the other night during our conversation that I truly believe being unemployed right now/since graduation is right where God wants me. I know many people may view this as laziness or lack of ambition, but my heart, body, mind and soul are in some SERIOUS need of healing (thus my journey I keep referring too). At some point I will share some more of the specifics of this journey but I am not quite ready yet. Anyways, back to my point, I realized that I have been going 100 miles an hour since I was about 12 years old. Yes there have been periods of vacation but I just have been go, go , go and never really let my walk with Christ "set" and become firm. I was convicted of this during my quiet time this morning when I came across this passage :

1 Corinthians 3:10-14

¹⁰ By the grace God has given me, I laid a foundation as a wise builder, and someone else is building on it. But each one should build with care. ¹¹ For no one can lay any foundation other than the one already laid, which is Jesus Christ. ¹² If anyone builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, ¹³ their work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each person’s work. ¹⁴ If what has been built survives, the builder will receive a reward. ¹⁵ If it is burned up, the builder will suffer loss but yet will be saved—even though only as one escaping through the flames.

This passage reminded me of a sermon I heard by John Piper while attending Passion 2011 earlier this year. The whole message talked about making Christ our foundation and not doing things, even though they may be done in Christian love, to bring ourselves glory but because that is what Christ calls us to do because Christ is to be the foundation of all we do. I realized that my foundation is clearly very broken right now and I am slowly rebuilding it day by day, one concrete block (ha ha ha, I know I am so funny & punny-if you don't get this ready my entry from the previous Saturday) at a time. With every block that I put back on my foundation, I want with every fiber of my being for it to be nothing but a reflection of Christ. I have been in such a place in this journey of mine that on some days (much like the one I had yesterday) literally all I felt like I had was Jesus. I would just imagine myself sitting at his feet saying "Please Lord, do with me what you will but free me from my bondage but let me glorify you in the process". I was really convicted about this too recently when I read an article about God's timing. I think I may have put the quote on one of my entries since I started this blogging but in summary it said that when we suffer/are waiting on God's timing, we shouldn't ask God to get us through to the end but to simply just keep our eyes focused on him. Click here to read the outline of Dr. Stanley's outline of a sermon he preached on this (I am almost positive this is the same outline he used for the article).

If you haven't picked up yet, I am quite a long winded person. I can not say things in a simple way, I like to go on and on when I speak and write. I actually struggled a bit with writing in college because of this! The whole point of everything I just said above is that I have been asking God to change my heart and to let me be only a reflection of Christ. I believe that through everything I am experiencing right now is because Christ is working in me. As I mentioned above, I have always been such a busy body that I did not make the time for scripture, prayer, and mediation with God like I needed. Now, I have nothing but time. It has been amazing to see what God has been able to do in such a short amount of time, I have to be faithful in return though and know that he is going to provide a job in his timing as well as the many other prayers I have been uplifting during this journey.

Well I know I still haven't talked about the Beatitudes lol, but maybe one day when there is nothing else eventful and worth discussing I will finally blog about it. For now though, I believe it is time for me to call it a night, old grandma Chloe didn't get a nap today! I will end this post on a lighter note though with a few pictures from my day today.

Sweet Blessings to you all! (like all 3 of you that read this : D)

This was some very delicious homemade peach cobbler I had at church this evening!

While I was gone today, my mischievous little dog Georgia decided to get on top of the counters and in turn knocked off a glass pitcher that was sitting on the counter, talk about a mess to clean up! I found dirt and puppy paw prints on the counter tops to prove it!

But, I couldn't stay mad at her too long, because she is just so stinkin cute!