Hello Readers! I am so thrilled I actually say that now!!!! I hope you all have been surviving this wretched heat and finding a way to enjoy the summer!
This week has been a very busy and intense one for me. I had a variety of medical appointments (as is becoming very typical) as well as other things to do and people to see. I have very much enjoyed a quiet and stress free weekend spent mostly at home resting, still haven't totally defeated the the mono.
This week I have delved deeply into the book of Job. I knew a little bit about this story but had never studied it deeply. As of right now I am only about half way through the whole book but it is very intriguing to say the least. God allows everything to be taken from Job because he knows that Job will maintain his faith despite losing everything. What it is interesting to me about this story is that Job is not happy about his situation in the beginning. He doesn't curse God, but he whines and complains and "walllows in his sorrows". One thing that touched me the most about this story is that some of his friends come to visit Job while he is ill and encourage him and lift him up. I was touched by this because God still works the same way today; he especially has used my friends during this season of my life to be there for me and lift me up in my times of hardship right now. I am looking forward to seeing how else God uses Job's friends!
I relate to this story because I feel like I have almost everything taken from me. In accordance with studying this story, I had yet another things taken from me this week. I had to make the very tough decision to give up my MTSU job. At one time I was given the hope that I may be able to keep the job without having to move into the Greek Row facility but that did not work out. I am now facing the real possibility of having to move home now. It still is slowly sinking in but I have found peace in the choice that I made.
Though I haven't finished the story of Job yet to see what he learns from his brokenness, I am slowly but surely starting to see what I believe God is teaching me through my brokenness. One of things I know for sure he is teaching me is 100% complete and total trust in him. I am a very stubborn person so I think it is taking extra brokenness to try and get this through to me. I used to have such an incredible trust in God and that was unquenchable. I think somewhere along the way during college I began to become more reliant on my own accomplishments, finances, and earthly possessions. I somehow let these things define me and bring me happiness and peace. While I am not a wealthy person by any means, I have laid up my treasures in my earthly things rather than in heaven and in my relationship with Christ. As a result, I have learned to put all my trust in my "things" and my finances rather than seeking Christ first in everything. I do love Christ more than anything in this world, but if I don't give him my full heart, even if holding back the smallest part, I am not trusting him fully.
I know I have a long way to go on this Journey and there is still a lot of healing but I know that I have to learn to give back to God my whole entire heart. I know that there are parts that I have hidden from God that are damaged, broken, and feel to me irreparable. I know that my Savior is the great physician and capable of bringing me the healing I am seeking if I just let him have those parts of my heart.
I think that is about all I have for this evening. I am very tired from an intense workout followed by some ridiculous lawn mowing. Thank you for all your prayers, love, and support.
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